An amalgam

Parties and get-togethers are tricky for me especially when a holiday is involved. I never know what to wear or when to bring a present and if I gather I am supposed to bring something, I never know what is appropriate. I have two factors in my rearing that contribute to this confusion. I grew up poor - like welfare poor. Granted, I was food-from-welfare-poor not housing-from-welfare-poor, but welfare is welfare.  I know this impacted my fashion sense because I never saw my mom clothing shop. She wore the same things for years until they literally fell apart. She wore hand-me-downs that really didn't fit her because they were from in-laws and friends with a body type that differed from her own. She only wore the hand-me-downs from her mother and sister on special occasions because they did fit her body type and look nice. Unfortunately, they were not very plentiful and I don't know how well they fit the situations for which she wore them. We attended garage sales and I had an older brother as well as four older cousins in the state so I rarely went clothes shopping either. My parents did an excellent job of keeping me aware of our finances. I watched my mom put back items at the grocery store because a coupon was expired and we didn't have enough cash to buy it at full price. My parents didn't have credit cards when I was young. They had checks, but saved them for bills that had to be mailed in so I was very familiar with the notion of keeping tally of how much we were spending on a shopping trip so we would have enough cash to buy everything. With our financial position, I don't remember my parents buying presents for friends or family very often. BUT there is another reason I didn't see them buying presents very often.
This brings me to reason two why I am socially awkward. I grew up a Jehovah's Witness. I don't know if that impacted my fashion, but it meant that I was never allowed to attend holiday parties. When the other kids in my public school class had a holiday party, I had to sit in the library or the attendance office and read. The first time I went to a birthday party, I asked the hostess if it was okay to give her money. It makes me cringe just to remember how awkward that felt. When I am at a party now, I often feel like a bad guest because I don't know what to do. Christmas parties leave me soundlessly moving my mouth as others sing carols implanted in their heads throughout childhood, and when someone gives me a Christmas gift, it is hard to know how to reciprocate. I know that I give people things just because that thing struck me as something they would like, but I don't wait until a date on the calendar to give it to them and I rarely wrap it. (That is something I need to remedy. People like wrapped presents.) So, I know that the joy of giving is probably all they want, but I feel like I ought to be generous in return. It just makes no sense to me to try to find something for someone just because the calendar tells me to, especially because I can rarely remember the dates of holidays anyway.
As a new mom, I am relying on my husband to help me figure out how my son should grow up because if it were up to me, he would be watching Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and eating popcorn with his family in a dark basement on Halloween so the trick-or-treaters would think we weren't home like I did. The problem with relying on my husband is that he never saw his dad take the initiative at holidays so he doesn't necessarily know what to do either. He and his dad just did what his mom told them to do. I suppose, for my family, this means we get to start our own traditions. As for my friends and acquaintances, I will work to better understand what is expected of me and hope they tell me if I am not living up to expectations.

Note about the title: My title theme for March was "An (noun that starts with a vowel)." I started this post in March so this post follows suit. Unfortunately, I want my titles to be descriptive of my posts so not all my posts can continue that theme.